So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
