dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
