and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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