i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
