I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
