I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
