What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
