that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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