He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
