hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
