Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I can text with my tongue
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
