Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
