Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
