Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
