she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
