he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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