my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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