Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
