Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
