I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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