Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
