sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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