Pregnant stripper...not hot.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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