i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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