im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
