her vagine was all disorganized.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
