You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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