So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
