Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
