In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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