I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
