he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
