Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
