so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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