Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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