i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
