Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize