Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
