you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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