yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
