Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
