Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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