I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Less talking, more tequila
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
