i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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