We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
