god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
