remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize