you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
