i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think my moral compass just broke
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize