Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
