Cold hands, warm shart.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
