He uses pillows to masturbate.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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