oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize