Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
