totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
