How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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