i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize