google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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