So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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