Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
