I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
