I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
