I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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