U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
