I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
