Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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