She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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