Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
