jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
