The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
