You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
