Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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