so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
