he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
