The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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