There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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