I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Boobs speak an international language.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
