nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
